


Fake Date, Real Valentine

by Talliya



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky basically has a stalker., Clucky - Freeform, Confessions, Fake Dating, M/M, Mutual Pining, Valentine's Day, WinterHawk Bingo, Woman won't take NO for an answer., minor headgames, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23030203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talliya/pseuds/Talliya
Summary: Bucky is being hounded by some unknown woman, and goes to Clint for help in getting rid of her.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 10
Kudos: 104
Collections: Winterhawk Bingo





	Fake Date, Real Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any rights to Marvel (Avengers) or its characters. This work is not for profit.
> 
> Written for the Winterhawk Bingo (2019) - Bingo Square: Fake Dating | Valentine's Day Prompt: "Be my Valentine?"
> 
> It's super late for the Valentine's thing... but, yeah. >_> It's in there anyway.

“What?” Clint blinked at the man beside him in utter confusion. That wasn’t a question you just _asked_ someone.

The man casually shrugged a large, metal, shoulder and tilted his head, making his longish locks fall across his cheek. “Come on Clint, please? Just for like, a month? Maybe not even that long? I just... and need this woman to leave me alone.”

Clint was indignant. “So you’re going to PRETEND to be gay, to get her to leave you alone?” He wasn’t okay with that at all, he may only be bisexual, but he wasn’t about pretending to be something you’re not.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, “No, Clint, I’m bi. It wouldn’t be pretending. Well, I mean, I wouldn’t be being purely gay so... I mean if that’s a problem for you though, that’s cool. I just know Steve won’t help me, and the only others who are hot enough for me to consider are taken. Except Nat, but, um...”

Clint grinned, “Yeah, there’s some nasty history there. So you come to her _best friend_ instead? You realize if I agree to this, that she’ll make fun of you for ‘finally asking Hawkeye out’ right? Like my man, she teases you about it already.”

Bucky blinked, his cheeks getting a little pinker, “How the hell do you know that?”

He waved a hand through the air as though smacking the knowledge and how it was gained out of the way, “A few missent texts from her. The point is that I’m not that damn easy, but if this chick is really as grossly demanding as you claim, I’m willing to help you out with it.”

Knowing that the man was bisexual actually helped his conscience a lot, and if he were being honest with himself, he kind of had a crush on Bucky. So, it could be a win-win situation, for as long as it lasted anyway.

Bucky stumbled, rocking to a halt before blinking at Clint, now several steps ahead. “You mean it?”

Clint shrugged, “Sure, I can’t very well throw you to Nat. This woman you’re trying to get rid of would never survive.”

Bucky drug a hand down his face and caught up to Clint, “I don’t think _I_ would survive. Nat would probably end up dating her to spite me.”

Clint’s brow rose, “Is she someone Nat would date? Like, in general?”

Bucky was quiet for a moment before giving a frustrated sigh, “Yeah, kinda. S’also how I knew she wasn’t **my** type. I don’t want to date someone like myself or Steve, or Bruce. I want someone who’s like Nat, or you, or Sam. Someone who can have fun even during work, but always gets the job done. Not the serious, by the book, barely knows how to have fun outside of work type.”

Clint was sidelined yet again, first Bucky asked him to date him, then said his type was someone _like_ him. His crushing little heart may not survive this fake dating period. “You don’t think you can have fun outside of work? You the ‘girl on each arm, let’s go dancing guy’? For real?”

Bucky stopped again, licked his lips, sucking on the bottom one for half a second, before he leveled his eyes on Clint’s, “That’s how I used to be. Back before I was given a metal arm and told I was someone I never wanted to be. Now,” He sighed, “Now I’m not sure of much of anything. Other than this woman seriously needs to back off or I might break her in half. And I doubt that would go over well with Tony’s he's-been-put-through-therapy-he’s-safe campaign he’s been gunning for.”

Clint finally stopped as well, his mouth working but no words forthcoming. “ _Is he really?_ ”

Bucky nodded once and continued down the hallway. Clint shook his head and followed, “I’m sorry, that’s... Yeah, I have no words for that. So... what exactly do we gotta do to convince this woman to leave you alone? What’ve you tried already?”

Bucky groaned and pushed open the door to the main floor, the rush of conversation from within washed over them, Natasha picking on Tony about something or other, Steve shouting at the couple on the television, claiming that wasn’t how coffee was made. Sam was of course encouraging him and nodding sagely along with whatever Steve was saying. Bruce, Wanda, and Vision were having a heated debate, over what sounded like vegan meatloaf. Bucky shuddered and headed straight through to the stairs, walking up them as quickly and quietly as he could, hoping not to draw anyone attention.

Clint however stopped by the couch, staring at the television momentarily, “You could make coffee that way.”

Steve stopped speaking and turned his head to stare up at Clint in horror, “Why?”

Clint shrugged, “I didn’t say you should, I said you _could_.”

“You no talk more.” Steve shook his head and did the close-your-mouth gesture with a hand at Clint, who was dying, because where had Steve even _heard or seen_ that particular phrase and movement, and why was he using it on Clint? Clint had half a mind to blame Tony.

Summarily dismissed however, Clint headed up the stairs as well. If nothing else he needed to change after his workout. As he topped the staircase Bucky was there, arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the wall, waiting for him. “Did Steve seriously just say that?”

Clint grinned and signed, “Sorry, I no can talk more.”

A brow rose on Bucky’s face, “Oh? Well then, how well do you take diction?”

Clint blushed, then rolled his eyes - he wasn’t sure if it was at himself or at Bucky. “Come on, I need to change, and you still need to tell me what needs to be done for this.”

Bucky followed him to his room, taking up a position just inside the door while Clint headed for his dresser and pulled out fresh clothes. He didn’t bother being shy about it, and simply switched out shirts and shorts. Honestly, if Bucky wanted to look, Clint would let him.

Bucky however, wasn’t paying attention, Clint’s question making his brain flash over everything he’d already tried to make this woman leave him alone.

~~flashback~~  
Bucky was sick of it, she’d been hounding him for MONTHS, trying to convince him that they were _destined_ to be together. Apparently some fortune teller had told her so. He had already told her he wasn’t interested in her, that she wasn’t his type. She’d accused him of being gay and the whole thing about him constantly dating women back in the ‘40s was simply a cover. She’d been half correct, but no, he’d informed her she was wrong, he didn’t care what gender a person was, he just wasn’t interested in _her_.

It had gotten him a short reprieve while she apparently marshaled her wits. She came back with _another_ fortune teller’s tale of how they were destined to be together. Bucky had hidden in Avengers’ Tower without leaving for three weeks, and had Wanda go out and pay off every fortune teller readily available to someone in New York to tell this woman that her match was NOT James “Bucky” Barnes the Winter Soldier, for fuck’s sake.

The next time he’d seen her she was runny mascara and tissues held under her nose. She had apparently tried to see him while he was in Avengers’ Tower but she didn’t have the clearance. She had tearfully asked if he’d missed her... he’d scoffed and told her ‘no, why would he miss someone he didn’t want to know?’ She’d cried on about destiny again, though she was sure there was a conspiracy since all of the fortune teller’s she’d gone to lately told her she was wrong to go after him. He had turned and walked quickly away to his briefing, where she thankfully couldn’t follow.

A month later she had accosted him outside of Central Park, where he’d been running with Sam and Steve, the aforementioned duo had gone off in the other direction already, Bucky had been heading back to the Tower.

“Why won’t you date me?!” She’d screamed in his face.

“Because I don’t want to!” It was simple, he wasn’t sure why she couldn’t understand.

“Bullshit! EVERYBODY wants me! I’m amazing!”

Bucky hadn’t really known what to do with that, and grasping at straws told her, “SHIELD won’t let me date anyone, I’m not safe to be around.” He’d run around her then and hid in the Tower for a while.

So, now he was coming back to the Tower with coffee for himself and Clint, who had graciously agreed to spar with him that morning... and here she was again. A smug look on her too red lips, brown hair coiffed to perfection, green eyes staring him down, some formal suit tacked onto her body like a glove, which he REALLY wished he hadn’t noticed. She was pretty, he couldn’t deny that... he just didn’t want anything she had to offer. He’d sighed and paused outside the doors, “What?”

“Mr. Stark said there’s no such thing in play, you’re allowed to date whoever you want.” A smug tilt of her hips as she subtly tried to move closer to him.

Bucky literally took two steps away from her, “Look, I don’t get what’s so hard for you to understand about the fact that I do NOT want to date you. But I don’t, and I won’t. Please leave.”

She’d tossed her head and given him a coy smile, “No. Not until you agree to date me.”

He nearly dropped the coffees. “No, that would be cheating.”

Her eyes had narrowed at him, “Cheating?”

/Oh shit!/ “Yes, cheating. I’m already taken.” Well, now he was screwed.

“By who!?!”

He’d looked down at the coffee in his right hand, “Clint Barton, y’know, Hawkeye.”

She hadn’t believed him, told him he needed to prove it. He told her he’d already proved he didn’t want her and she was still there, so he wasn’t going to bother proving he was in a relationship already. She’d stormed off shouting back at him that she’d find out, and if he wasn’t taken he was going to be hers! He’d shaken his head and headed inside to give Clint his coffee and get their spar in - as now he needed it even more. Then, when they were leaving, he’d asked Clint, “Hey, would you date me? Like, actually for real, I’m asking you out, not just ‘if’.”  
~~end flashback~~

When there wasn’t even so much as an approving or disapproving grunt, Clint looked over at a brooding Bucky. He sighed, rolled his eyes, and pulled his clothes on. “That bad huh?”

His words seemed to startle Bucky, who’s arms dropped to his sides as he took a balancing step forward as if someone had just shoved him. “Huh? Oh, shit, sorry. Damn, you’re fast.”

Clint rolled his eyes again, “Not really, your brain was just ocupado. So, out with it.”

Bucky sighed and flopped over the end of Clint’s bed without invitation, not that Clint minded but it was the principal of the thing. “She’s been hounding me for MONTHS. I think she works in the SHIELD building, but I’m not sure as what. I don’t even know her fucking name, how out there is that? The first time she approached me, she claimed a fortune teller told her we were destined to be together. When I told her I wasn’t interested she accused me of being gay... I had to have Wanda bribe all the fortune tellers in the area against her. Next I fled from her to a briefing after telling her I didn’t want to know her, let alone date her. After that I threw out that SHIELD wouldn’t allow me to date because I was dangerous. Apparently she went and fucking ASKED TONY ABOUT IT, and he told her that wasn’t the case. So, she cornered me this morning as I was coming back with our coffees... and I um, kind of told her I was dating you. So, if you’d said ‘no’ I’d be screwed. Also, I’m sorry.”

Clint sat hard on his floor, “You... you told her you were dating me. That’s why you asked me instead of Nat, or anyone else?”

Bucky’s head peered over the edge of the bed, a frown on his face. “No Clint. I’d been debating using that option next and who I could ask. I wasn’t lying to you about my reasoning earlier. Hell, you know about my crush, obviously I’d like to ACTUALLY date _you_. I just honestly don’t think I’m date-able material. Like, you could do SO much better. This chick however, wouldn’t take that reasoning, I’m sure. I’ve flat out told her multiple times that I don’t want her in particular, and she still keeps coming back.”

Clint sat there for a long moment, ignoring when Bucky finally dropped his gaze to the bed and adorably bit the inside of his lip. While it was clear his silence was telling Bucky that he was backing out and probably super pissed off at him... Clint was simply processing it, and Bucky didn’t make to leave, for which he was grateful.

“So,” Clint’s words were slow to start, but had Bucky’s head snapping up to look at him. “What exactly would fake dating you entail? If she’s so gung ho about it... do we need to make a sex tape?”

Bucky’s jaw dropped and it took him so long to get himself together again that by the time he succeeded Clint was laughing hysterically on his floor. “I um, would hope it wouldn’t take that much, but I guess we can save that as a backup?”

Clint choked on his laughter, taking a while to finally calm down enough to speak. “Alright, backup it’ll be. Still need to answer my question.”

Bucky shrugged, “I’m not sure? I mean, go on dates... maybe be seen holding hands or giving cheek kisses? Dude, I haven’t ‘dated’ in a _very_ long time. You tell me what it entails.”

“Cheek kisses...” Clint blinked at him, then shrugged, “Well I guess with you that’s actually feasible. I mean, going on dates and being seen holding hands or kissing is still in. So, you’re not like, behind, or anything. Do you want, hell I don’t know, random phone calls and text messages?”

Bucky’s mouth fell open for a second as he blinked at Clint. “I um, guess? Not sure about that one with it being ‘fake dating’. But... would it be okay if I randomly call or text you if she shows up to hound me?”

Clint grinned, “Sure, that’s fine.”

With the logistics worked out, they scheduled their first “date” to be on the coming Friday. In the meantime, whenever they were outside the Tower and together, they made a point of being in each others’ space, maybe not holding hands, but near enough to make people wonder.

Natasha was instantly texting both of them, teasing Bucky, and asking Clint what the hell was up. Clint told her the truth, so did Bucky, but she still teased the poor man and suggested he _actually_ make a move while he had Clint where he wanted him.

Their first date... was a fun disaster. They met up at a swanky diner and ordered their food. It wasn’t hard to come up with conversation topics - they had work, an upcoming video game competition with some of the other Avengers, then their general likes and dislikes. It was going rather well until about halfway through their meal, when SHE showed up with a friend. Both men were at a booth, but instead of sitting across from each other, they’d sat on the same side, their thighs brushing with every jittery nervous bounce of Clint’s leg. She zeroed in on them and slid onto the bench across the table from them, pulling her friend with her.

“Well hello Lover, out with the best friend for dinner? Is it okay if me and MY best friend join you?” She batted her eyelashes at Bucky, whose food had stopped just outside of his mouth when she showed up and interrupted Clint talking about his favorite trick shot.

“Why _hello_ Cheriese, it’s so nice to see you outside of work. But, I gotta ask, why the hell are you speaking to my boyfriend that way?” Clint saved Bucky from his sudden paralysis and the forkful of steak finally made it into his mouth.

Surprised green eyes flashed to blue ones that were narrowed with unhappiness. “I... what?”

“I told you I was taken.” Bucky shrugged a shoulder at her as her gaze turned to him and took another bite.

Her ‘best friend’ turned from one face to the next and then sighed before gently taking Cheriese’s hands in her own. “I told you not to do this to yourself again. You can’t just make up a relationship with someone and expect them to reciprocate. The fortune teller said you would find love with someone who was short, dark haired, dark eyed, and would love you at first sight. From what you’ve said, this man did NOT do that. So fixating on him instead of finding your Mr. Right, is just wrong my dear.”

“But, but _Susan_.” The woman wailed before planting her head on her friend’s shoulder and crying.

Susan patted her back and made shushing noises for a few moments before looking over at the two men whose table they had invaded. “I’m so sorry you two, we’ll let you get back to your date.”

She hauled Cheriese to her feet and seemingly had to drag her from the restaurant. Clint turned to look at Bucky, “Y’know... this could have all been avoided a long time ago if you’d ever asked for her name.”

Bucky gave him a look that plainly told him he was insane, “Are you serious? She totally would have taken that as an invitation to boink me.”

Clint spit the bite he’d just taken all over his half-empty plate as a laugh erupted from him. “ _Boink_ you?” Clint took a moment to breathe, carefully NOT looking at Bucky so we wouldn’t burst out laughing at what he was sure was an incredulous look being aimed at him. “Cheriese Bartra is a known erotomaniac, however, she’s also a reporter. She’s always trying to get scoops around the SHIELD building, she’s been fined for loitering a LOT. But, it’s probably why Tony spoke to her at all, and most likely thought nothing of it.”

Bucky was dumbfounded, he shook his head, leaned over and kissed Clint’s cheek and then finished his steak in silence. With their plates cleared he sat back and side-eyed Clint. “So... does this mean she’ll stop? Or like, what do I do now?”

Clint grinned at him, “Oh she’ll stop. Susan is her psychiatrist so she’ll get her the help she needs to break her current infatuation with thinking you’re secretly in love with her and you’re ‘meant to be’. Though, I say we still do this dating thing for another month or so, just to be safe.”

Bucky smiled at him, warm and welcoming, before leaning in and placing a soft kiss to Clint’s lips. “Thanks for all of this Clint, really.”

Clint numbly nodded his head, a huge grin on his face. He hadn’t thought Bucky would ever actually kiss him, let alone on their first actual fake date. “Yeah, not a problem.”

They kept up the dating for another month and a half, even though it only took a week for a formal written apology to be sent to Bucky over the woman’s behavior. In that time Clint had managed to initiate exactly ONE make-out session. He’d had to work for it too, set it up carefully because he was sure Bucky was doing his level best **not** to be overly intimate with him, as they weren’t _really_ dating. Clint however, would be damned if he didn’t get something good out of this little dating experience. He left cliche messages on Bucky’s phone, made even Natasha think that they were now dating for real, then he’d pulled Bucky’s mouth to his own on what became their **last** date, and got the kiss he’d been dreaming about for a couple of years now. He was sure it was actually the reason Bucky broke up with him the next day. His reasoning legitimate... in a sense. He felt like he was getting too attached, and he didn’t want that when they weren’t really dating.

Clint had been expecting it, but it still hurt. Made the winter weather in New York just that much colder for him, so he tried his best to go on missions in warmer climes. His mission in Wakanda over, he’d headed back home. He made it back to his room in the Tower with enough time to pass out on his bed for the night before having to wake up the next morning and be all _single_ on Valentine’s Day. He’d tried his best to make the mission last so he wouldn’t have to be there to suffer the holiday... but, it was what it was.

A familiar knock on his door had his head off his pillows and his feet moving him to the door before his brain registered he should probably put pants on first. He stopped halfway to the door and wobbled for a moment before shrugging and moving to the door anyway. He stood behind it as he cracked it open and peeked his head over the gap.

“What is it?” Bucky’s grin nearly melted him, the flowers he brought up for his view made him gasp, blue eyes flying to brown. “Um, Bucky?”

“Would you be my Valentine Clint?” Bucky’s grin widened, but his eyes were serious, and a little fearful.

Clint’s eyes narrowed even as a lower extremity reacted in favor. “What do I get out of it?”

Bucky’s head drooped, “Sadly, just my sorry self. Though, I do have a nice dinner reservation at your favorite fancy restaurant, and I got you these flowers, and I’ve got chocolates, and a little stuffed heart with an arrow through it because I’m lame and was going to make a joke about you never missing the mark...but, yeah.”

Bucky’s rambling finally came to a halt and Clint fought against a grin of his own. “For how long?”

Puzzled brown eyes seared him and he clarified, “Just for today?”

“I... no. No, Clint, damn I’m sorry. I’m really bad at this, you should know that already. No, I am in fact finally actually asking you out, like, forever if you’ll have me.” Bucky bit his lip and tried not to fidget.

Clint licked his lips, looked Bucky over from head to foot, noting the fancy attire. “Okay, one, YES I will date you. Two, yes, I will be your Valentine, so long as you’ll be mine. And three, um... come in here and boink me first before I fucking die of needing you.”

Bucky blinked for a moment then muscled his way through the door. They spent the morning discovering new things about each other and eating chocolate. Then texted Natasha that they were indeed REALLY dating now, and waited for her to let the rest of the world know as she crowed ‘I told you so’s and ‘I knew it’s at everyone. It was the best Valentine’s Day either of them had had in a long time. Clint hoped next year’s would be just as good.


End file.
